Ode to Siberia

Recently I went to a cheap and very popular furniture retailer. For the purposes of this post, we will refer to this place as “Siberia”. This post, then, will be a review of Siberia.

Now, let’s get this out of the way, because I know that’s what people will think of first. Isn’t writing a review about an unnamed product weird? After all, reviews mostly serve to inform others so they can make educated purchases. But instead, I want to review for the purpose of reviewing. I want to examine and look at this thing inside and out, upside and down, for no reason other than to think deeply about some arbitrary thing.

Secondly, I want to get my biases out of the way, because there are always some. In this case, there’s a lot of bias, because I’ve always loved Siberia. Then of course this review will skew in the favourable direction. On the other hand, Siberia is a large, multinational corporation, and I am a filty Millennial who views corporate as a faceless entity. Does this skew the bias in the opposite direction and balance it out? This we will see.

THE EXPERIENCE

Siberia is a stellar experience. Sometimes I go there for fun. Really. It has remained one of the only places to which I am leaving my house to go. What makes it enjoyable, though? It’s just a store.

It must be the way they engineer the experience. This is obviously done so you think that if you buy their products, you’ll have a warm and cozy family life like they show in their advertisements. Unfortunate to those who buy their items and feel just as messed up as before. But it’s nice for those who are just browsing; you get the feeling of love and stability without feeling like a massive failure and desperately trying to fill the void with cosmopolitan couches.

Every item in each little sectioned-off “room” and “house” isn’t perfect. No, everything is positioned just so, a little ruffle here and a tiny mess there, making it look like a real living child or lazy wife maybe forgot to put their things away. Over the years, it’s gotten better. They’ve put actual clothing in their wardrobes, books on their shelves, and (kitchen)­wares in their cupboards. The experience keeps getting more and more real.

I think some would say that Siberia lies in the uncanny valley. I can definitely see that. After all, it’s great that they’ve made their little rooms so impeccably crumpled, but that’s not at all what an average household looks like. Perhaps for some it’s clear that this place is a cardboard replica of something that can never be replicated. Maybe some think that the charm of a warm home life lies in its mismatched furniture sets and ugly curtains.

There’s almost a mechanical feeling to it, that I can admit. Again with the obviously engineered experience, creating a lovely place so we feel good and buy good. It’s too lovely for some, I think. Devoid of personality. For me, I don’t mind. It’s still comfy.

THE FOOD

Oh, yeah, this furniture retailer has an eating place. I’m not so sure why. I like it, though, it’s something different from eating noodles and pasta all day. I’m a fan of the cafeteria-like serving style. It’s convenient for both us and the workers. I can pick and choose desserts at my liking, without anyone to judge. There is the one part where you have to ask the lady for the main meal, but she was very kind and straightforward. I think some would call this mechanical, too; after all, it’s not like a restaurant where you get served by warm people. But for people like me who would prefer to have the least amount of human interaction, that kind of thing is perfect.

THE GOODS

What about the main feature of Siberia? I could go on and on about the Siberian experience but the most important thing is the furniture, right? I am not a furniture expert by all means but I think that half of their things are good for the price and the other half is just trash. Have fun figuring out which is which, though. Personally, I do not think that furnishing is an important feature of my life, so something that is cheap and decent is fine. People who are furniture enthusiasts (or mature adults) may want to look somewhere else.

Siberia’s designers also tend to try out wacky ideas sometimes, like using a stool as a light or forgoing couches altogether. Something you can see in their catalogs and rooms. I think this is fine, and I encourage these things if they make your workflow better, or maybe even for the sake of novelty. In addition, their aesthetic is simple and modern. I like this, too, but the traditionalist may turn up their noses at these things.

THE EVIL

For one, Siberia is a corporation, which means that they definitely engage in some scandal-worthy acts. Their giant stores require a lot of space, which sometimes means destroying historical buildings or tombs. There’s probably some incidents where Siberia is cutting corners or using fraudulent means to skimp out on costs, but obviously they keep their secrets carefully guarded.

Since Siberian furniture obviously isn’t the best, I think it also contributes towards Western society’s consistent cycle of buying stuff, throwing it away, and then buying stuff again. Consumerism is rampant here in the West and there is a very common mentality of buying more and more, then chucking the old things out without a care towards where it goes. Sometimes this can’t even be helped; if items are designed so poorly so as they fall apart after one year’s use, what else can you do?

Given that Siberia gives off such a vibrant “environmentally-conscientious” image, it’s a bit ironic that some of their things are so cheap that you’re forced to buy new things consistently. Plus, their feel-good shtick too ironically makes you feel bad, just as advertisements do because here’s a thing that will make you feel good, but you don’t have it, so feel bad until you buy this thing.

There’s also the labour problem. Siberia has problems with their workforce, and for quite a while some of their workers went on strike. But obviously, this is completely based on location, so like you should with all the other places you shop at, check into your local Siberia to make sure they’re not bullying each other (you do this, right?).

THE CONCLUSION

Siberia definitely has its merits, and I definitely think it’s a fun place to frolick in. The vibes one gets from Siberia are warm and enjoyable, but I would say those feelings are inherently dangerous. Siberia is a corporation and it’s mechanical and cold by default. It doesn’t matter if Siberia seems to care a lot about you or the environment, it doesn’t. What Siberia does care about is how much money you can spend, and if you’re buying something because Siberia makes you feel good… Siberia has won! So enjoy Siberia, but enjoy it cautiously.